So I married a mess-maker

WARNING: this might get sweary.

I know I am a touch obsessive about how I keep my home, how I live my life, how I go about things. I appreciate that some people think it’s weird to put things away, but I don’t. In my corner of the world, everything has a place. That’s just how I roll.

Sadly, this philosophy is not shared by everyone in my house. My husband is a long-term and fully committed messy-un. He loves the ‘leave it where it falls’ approach to life. It has been years since he put something on a hanger. His attitude is what I refer to as ‘shit blind’. He can literally sit in a room littered with complete crap, and be blissfully unaware of it. He walks past nappy bags full of actual wee and poo, put by the front door by him with the intention of putting them in the outside bin (‘I’ll take that out later’, the biggest piss-taking-waste-of-oxygen lie I’ve ever heard). When I point out the piles of bagged up human turds in our house he just goes ‘oh yeah’, as if seeing them for the first time. Even when ants and flys flap and crawl around him, attracted by his stig-in-the-dump ways, this still does not provide him with enough motivation to actually pick his shit up. Although we are similar in so many ways, this is one of the main differences that divides us, and is a cause of the majority of our disagreements.

*and breath*

Someone I know told me her husband does all the housework. I think my open-mouth stare gave away my disbelief. I questioned her further and she confirmed it. The cooking, ironing, washing, hoovering, food shopping, bill paying, dusting, tidying, everything. Fucking unbelievable. How the hell did she manage that?! If my husband spontaneously put on a load of washing I might die. When I was in hospital with Baby R for the first week, he didn’t even flush the toilet. True story. I came home, couldn’t wait for an actual hot shower to wash away the grime and yukkiness, but sadly couldn’t because the bathroom was a vile stinking no-go zone, rancid with the stench of a weeks worth of wees left festering in the loo. I heaved; he hadn’t even noticed. I shudder to think about how he might be living if left to his own devices.

But let me clarify for a minute, he didn’t create a rank wee stink-bomb on purpose. He doesn’t actively ignore things, and he doesn’t make decisions to deliberately make my life more difficult, that’s just how it seems to me sometimes. I must also say that he actually does help me with the housework, it’s just that I have to delegate and micro-manage every task, often re-doing his work to bring it up to my standard. I actually wish I could be more like him at times. Very often in the day I don’t have lunch or a rest whilst Baby R is napping, because I have a list of jobs in my head that I feel I have to get done before I allow myself a break. I don’t know why this is. If I didn’t do it, no one else would give a fuck, it’s just my stupid brain that tells me I have to do it. Keeping on top of things proves to the world that I am coping, I still have a purpose. If I ever actually made a new mum friend I could invite her around. I am always ready for impromptu coffee mornings that never actually happen.

I wonder what Baby R’s approach to housekeeping will be when he is older. Recently, he has started pointed at food and other debris he drops from his highchair and gestures for me to pick it up. I dutifully crawl around beneath him with an anti-bacterial wipe, cleaning the area, putting things straight. He claps and smiles, we repeat this at every meal time, day in, day out. At first I was excited that he wanted a clean home, but now I’m wondering if, in fact, he just fancies me as his slave. Who knows what he really think of us adults, one making mess and the other tidying up, both busy working on bringing the other round to their way of thinking, becoming ever more determined for their way to rule in the house.

Anyway, enough musing for one day. No amount of analysing things will make them change. I know my way isn’t the right way, but it’s the way things are for now. Husband is babysitting this afternoon to give me a break, so I’m off to reorganise the under-bed storage, after all, it is my day off!!

Ps a big thank you to everyone who has read my blog recently, you have made me mighty happy.


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